Every day is a new day.

It's so weird how life, which seems so random and obscure is actually all aligned to this perfect story. A story, which is nonetheless a plan, the workings of God. There's the ups, the downs, the happy times, the sad times, the hard times and the more blissful times, yet each individual moment whether what type it is, is all in the the Greater Scheme of things. It's not coincidental, it's not "just my luck." It's all there for its own purpose in that moment in time.

Although weary, depressed and sad you are in that exact moment, it's not because "life sucks" or you suck, it's an opportunity to make changes. You have to ask yourself why do I feel that way. What is it that is making you feel depressed, sad and weary? This is an opportunity to assess the changes that need to happen in your life in order to coordinate his Greater Plan. God's plan is ALWAYS a better plan than you have for yourself. I know that changes are hard and at times it calls for a risk that may seem "not worth" it. All that is, is when fear sets in and tells you NO you can't do this or you can't change that because of security, or money etc etc. We have to accept and be receptive to change, otherwise you're going against the grain, or against God's higher plan which in turn makes you feel lost, sad, depressed. These are the feelings provoked by God, by your higher self knowing that you are straying away from your destiny. Don't feel guilt or mad at yourself, just let change happen. You will never regret it, but glad you did.

I met someone recently who kind of opened my eyes to this. As you have read in my last post, I have been feeling lost and depressed for a while. Although in a way I still feel lost, I'm understanding these feelings and accepting that change needs to happen. So I'm in the brinks of just letting go of the old and embracing what is to come, whether is bad or good. I'm finally ready. I still fear, but I won't let that interfere with God's Greater Plan for me. Slowly, but surely I will be with no fear, I just have get use to the idea of it all.

Remember that every day is a new day to make changes and to accept change. Everyday is a new opportunity. I hope that it made sense to you all. Best of life to you all. Will be blogging with you all soon.

I don't care anymore.

I've lost myself in this thing we call life, this harsh reality of every day struggles just makes me weary. I'm tired, I'm drained, I'm cold and distant from love. It's like I'm fading in the background no longer seeing light. I reach up high and there lies a hand yet I don't grab it. I don't deserve it. I rather just fall helplessly waiting my fate of darkness. Drifting where ever it wishes to take me. Is it wrong to feel this way? Giving in to the unknown, well honestly I don't care anymore. Life will do its will onto me, but it won't affect me because I'm hollow, empty and dead.

Hello World.

Hello people of the world! I'm just being random right now and posting just whats on my mind at the moment. We just moved into our new & bigger apartment, which is just upstairs from our old one. It's nice to be in a bigger place because in the other apartment I felt somewhat enclosed in a pile of junk. Our junk is spread out more so it doesn't seem as bad! =D I'm also glad that Aaliyah has her own room. It's about time Eugene and I claimed our own territory and maybe some more action can take place. =D Probably not, but hey I guess I have better chances now that we don't have Aaliyah's crib right next to our bed! Haha! Anyways, it's almost Aaliyah's 2nd birthday and I'm planning to throw her a cupcake party. That means I'm making 40 cupcakes! It should be fun, well maybe not after the 20th one, but hey it's all for a good cause, my little monster Aaliyah. She is getting so big now. Every time I write in my journal that seems to be the first thing I say when referring to Aaliyah. But it's true! She's getting so much more bigger and getting smarter. Seeing her grow more and more each day, makes me look back at when she was a baby. I miss the babyness about her. It makes me want to have another one of these things, but when reality hits, I shake my head no. It's hard work man! I can't just get up and go; it's not about you anymore and if you are an independent person who likes to do things on their own time, I suggest you not have a child. That part of you is gone and I mean for a l-o-n-g time. But I appreciate Aaliyah every time I look at her because she has taught me a lot and forced me to grow into the person I always thought I should be. So there are the cons, but there are the pros that most definitely override them.

Well, I should go check on Aaliyah. She's in her room playing with her daddy and who knows what they're up to.

My Response: Sarah Kay: If I should have a daughter...

It was a very late, settled night and I was alone in my living room while my husband and daughter were asleep in the other room, when I, (what seemed to come to me in the most perfect time in my life) stumbled upon this video on Youtube. Sarah Kay's words touched me so deeply that I know that it will be forever embedded in my soul. One specific and profound part of her spoken word that seems to have pierced my heart with so much hope and ease was when she said instead of being guarded, trying to prevent yourself from all the pain and struggles of life, try to accept them with open hands. Let them fall and then embrace them, deal with them. When she said this, is what like a weight was lifted off my back and fear just subsided. There has been so many things going on in my life involving my family, my finances, my dreams, my career, the world & all the crazy things that are taking place in it and mostly within myself. I started to question God and becoming angry with him, asking WHY? Why do so many people have to suffer, especially those who don't deserve it? The whole earthquake in Japan and the fears of the our government collapsing; it's all the worry and fear of having to endure the destruction. What is next to happen? I think about my love ones, how I wouldn't even bear to imagine any of them being hurt. I was so tired of all the negative things that have been going on and what is so ironic about it all is that I found myself becoming negative. I didn't want any more negativity, yet I was creating it within myself. I started to drink more alcohol, trying to numb myself to this negativity, for it gave me, (even in its short lifetime) a piece of happiness. But at the end of it all, it can never be define as happiness because short term happiness can NEVER be true happiness. I felt like I had no one, not even my own husband. I felt that he was avoiding me and I don't blame him looking back at it because I made the home an unpleasant one. Who would want to be surrounded by anger and negativity? But since he wasn't there to save me, to lift me out of all this depression like a person who loves someone does, I resented him. After watching this film, really taking it in and remembering it in moments of despair has help me lift thses burden off my own shoulders. No one can help you unless you want to be helped. I never understood that more than I do now. YOU have to deal with it. No one can take it all away for you, YOU have to change. It all starts with you. What Sarah Kay was trying to tell, (what seemed like exclusively to me) was that things are going to happened and those things can be bad, but it is all about how you handle them. We can fight it until we are black and blue or we can accept it, deal with it and then move on. I want to choose to accept these things because I've tried fighting it, avoiding it and everything else in the book, but haven't actually tried accepting it. I never felt so much peace in my life as I do now. Whatever God has in store for me or for anyone regarding this world, I accept it. I accept the destruction, the death, the lost and all the bad things that is to come because I know that God has a bigger plan. I have faith in Him for he knows best for me and everyone in this world. I accept this, deal with it through my faith in God and then let it go for it is not my burden to carry. I look at my daughter now and know even more that He has a great plan, for he had a plan for me to be the best mom I am suppose to be to her. I want to teach my daughter all the things I know including and especially what I learned in Sarah Kay's , If I should have a daughter...

Lemonade.

Cocorosie
Lemonade.

Through the Lens of bk.

Through My Lens.


Snap Light.


Aaliyah and the Camera.


Aaliyah and Sashi.


Sashi Being Sashi.

Me & Aaliyah with the Elephants.

Amazing.

Yiruma "River Flows in You"

Time.

It's time to see
It's time to grow
It's time to care
It's time to know
It's time to listen
It's time to love
It's time to give
It's time to hug
It's time to fly
It's time to sore
It's time to go
It's time to flow
All we have is time, endless time.